My journey with stupid boss/cool colleagues and colossal mmmy g!!
It was the year 2013. I didn’t have a job for more than 9 months. I went for more than 20 interviews and got rejected. I was disappointed. Then one of my friends referred me to the company situated in IT Park. I went there, one of the senior guy chit chatted me for some time, in the end told me to wait outside. The HR came in and said I was selected. Now I felt now, it’s done. Finally peace. I went outside started my bike and suddenly a number flashed on my mobile. I received the call and I was told I was being called by the guy who took my interview. I went there to meet him, he introduced me to a programmer, said just study a url you will be given and then come back on joining as it will be your first assignment. I never knew that this innocent looking guy will rock the houseboat upside down for me in the coming future and that’s how it all started.
On my very first day I remember we were only 4 people in bay. I took the last seat in the row I which I called sniper position near to the window. As I am writing this article , a pretty girl is sitting over there and keeping the flag high. My first task was to create some websites whose content was copied from somewhere else. I coordinated with Google search to copy content and PHP programmer implemented the fiction we created. Also I was handling requirements from a fake Canadian client whom I never imagined will sit with me after one year. During first three months we took super long lunch breaks up to 4 hours. We had a super smart person in our team as well who beat the shit of the person mentioned in first paragraph. Let’s call person in first paragraph “Baoo” as of now. PHP programmer called Baoo “bunti walia”. Programmer was fucked up from atrocities of baoo and left the job as a absconding employee. We also had a super cool inside sales team at that time with three people. All of them were pretty nice and we had a gala time. Initially the drawer of my shelf was stacked up with 25 bottles of cold-drink and we used to feast on butter chicken every night. My timings were from 1PM to 10PM IST. All of us worked very hard. It was like army of lions were being led by a sheep. Very soon the chips started to fall. Without any leadership one great chap left who was replaced by another shit head who used to talk in fake English accent let’s call him MicroMax. I was told by baoo in first three months that “Alok, your profile is not making any impact on bottom line” and we might need to take some difficult steps. I was mad as hell and I remembered being so frustrated that I even screamed on my 1 year old niece as she was playing with me. I felt bad later and said I should not allow baaoo to implement mind fuck with me. The very next day we got a project, the very first deal the Indian team closed and it was a upper cut from my end to baao.
Later on the super smart devious guy also became absconding employee and Micro Max harassed the girl in night shift. Instead of being fired baoo took his side and re-instated him in the company. Later on the girl left and micro max too after 4-5 months. All of us were mad as hell. As things were going bad there was a seo project which came in and out of nowhere I was told to learn SEO(search engine optimization). During my graduation I never gave a flying fuck to SEO as it never excited me and now I was being told to study it. I was told a new guy was being hired. Then a person named “Guru” was hired. Once he came in, I was pretty much relaxed as guru was a marketing veteran and the SEO thing was nothing more than a plain easy fart for him. Guru took the project as a breeze and even involved himself with recreational activities like game testing, e-commerce analysis to name a few. I was first sceptical with a person called “Big Sala” that gurdeep might leak our 4 hour lunch break news with baoo but I was wrong. The culprit was Big Sala with a myopic brain. Later on I realized that Gurdeep was foundation of fantastic four.
Time went by a talented guy called Vivek came in the system. Company was creating a product which was supposed to be path breaking but it was skull breaking. Once vivek came in lot of fresh blood came in the system, which were underpaid as fuck ad they were expected to work like mules. Vivek worked very hard was annoyed repeatedly by baoo and eventually he left too. Baoo called me in his room and told me we are not doing anything good in sales and now you have to take care of the product. Saying yes to it was one of the biggest decisions I made. I never knew what I was entering into. I was told that I will do product management and I was made to data management. I hate that profile to core of my heart till now.
I still remember giving sugar coated advice to fresher’s that this is a very good profile and they should continue it as I was told by baoo if fresher’s says no then fire them. One of the guy from Haryana even had a crying face once he was harassed by baao but later on he was shifted to different department. He is happy now and will do great in his life. On the positive side the company was led by talented people , a very good delivery head and a amazing quality head. I still wonder why the baaoo was hired at first place with such a exuberant salary. During the journey I met good people named sanjay and kit-kat. Both were hard working people and I hope they do well in their life as well.
Moving on, one more person was hired and he had a positioning he was baoo’s ally. Baao was very friendly with him and I thought that this chap was going to be a whistle blower. We were constantly working very hard but not happy. Baoo harassed as by calling us at 11:30 PM in night and then abusing. Once I was so angry with him that I thought I will break his face. I controlled I give him a cold shoulder as we realized till now that baoo is a Pussy Face :). If we retaliated he had no spine to stand on. The new guy we will call “Wish-Wash” was a athletic tall guy, searing spectacles and later on as usual I find out was pretty good chap. Baoo used to give some shitty excel sheets to prepare and all of us were annoyed. I remembered when Kit-Kat was told by baoo to go and leave company if he needs a different role all of us went to tavern and cussed baoo. That was the bonding time. We told kitkat that very soon you will get a good job and you will leave this lala land. Same happened and the bird flew from cage. I was also told to fire a nonperformer girl who cursed me like hell when she left. Once Wish-wash also gave a overview of baoo’s mischievous activities in the past organization. Wish-was like all of us was deceived by baoo’s sales hyperbole. Vishwas was the second pillar of fantastic four. Later on the skype expert hooked on to pretty chicks in company. This won him accolades from our team.
Soon, I started looking for a job. I gave 10 interviews and got rejected in them all. I didn’t want to do the data job and baoo’s pretty face was the perfect catalyst to leave the job. During this the jamboree entire team was shifted upstairs and I was left alone with one of the girl who was from Kullu and she also later fled. Then one day I watched one new face in the bay where guru used to sit earlier. I was shell shocked!! Baoo never introduced us to her. If my memory serves me right we were told she were hired for Google project. The new protagonist let’s call her A used to talk in fluent English and we were caught in typhoon of literary feat. Hardly able to comprehend what “A” used to say we improved our English and started talking with her in Hindi ;). Initially I was bored as everyone I knew had shifted seats. Later a miracle happened and the entire team was back. Clock ticked and A gelled with the team. A won the accolades when she thrashed some incompetent developer who was stalling the work. Baoo also made her monitor of guru and Wish-Wash and we named her mmyg. Later, I was told that I kept that name but I really don’t remember. True to the name mmyg was a true sport and earned the title humanitarian as well. “A” a.k.a Mmyg was a wonderful chef and inspired me later to buy a sandwich griller. Known for her tongue in cheek remarks like “balls will get you dolls” mmyg was fun to be around and made her way as third member of fantastic four.
In the meantime all of us were doing shit job. I remember 10 people working on one lame excel sheet. Baoo again telling me you will be kicked out of the company , I managed to get a new job which I was hesitant to join. Out of sheer frustration I put down my papers and baoo was pretty happy. Suddenly game took turn and delivery head of company wanted me to stay. When I told him about the whole scenario he said stay with us. We will get you shifted to a different profile. Baoo’s plan were fucked.
The one day , I was told a new girl was hired in our team. Once I saw her first I thought she must be a chitkara student as she was wearing blue shirt and black trouser , standard uniform in that college. I remember baoo’s other sycophant was a bit depressed as now his ass was about to be kicked. We will call the pretty girl “N” and all of us had a difficult time pronouncing her name because of repetition of A word. The very first day small sala another thick skull was infatuated with her beauty but when I told him that she is going to tighten your screws he was upset. “N” picked up everything quickly and very soon find out that lot of people around her were thriving on stupidity. N had a sweet voice and when it came to eating out KFC both “N” and “A” are second to none. N was the 4 pillar.
Time passed by very quickly. Baoo was kicked out in the most disgraceful manner. Because of Jagga dakoo we drank enormous number of free café coffe days coffee. In the meantime I got another job where I joned It was a roller coaster ride for me. While leaving I was sure that I had made some very good friends for life time. College like feeling was back where everyone is filled with Josh. I missed mentioning few baboons like JazzyB,Muhalii, Buj but they are not worth our time I think.
Wish everyone all the best for their life. And part of the journey called life is still going on. I realised I hope all of you meet wonderful people during the path and keep ripping KFC chicken!!