PepsiCo: Memoir of summer training assault, faults and funny vaults
It was year2010. The time was of summer internship placements for our MBA batch. I was reluctant to Join any the corporate rut but as luck had it I applied for it. If my memory serves right it was stated by a rigorous pseudo intellectual rounds at campus then followed by couple of same boring weasel rounds in Gurgaon. The best part was we went from college to PesiCo office in cab. There were around ten people ( No pretty Chick L ). We left in night from Chandigarh , I was excited that a very pretty so called “Placement Coordinator” of our college will meet us in Gurgaon. I am an optimist to the core!!. We reached Gurgaon, I took the eye candy , said something doesn’t makes any sense in the interview to weasels and by error were selected for summer training for Pepsico which I never knew will turn into memoir of assaults, faults and a memoir of funny vaults.
Selected weasels from our college were three baboons. Bhupinder Singh , our turbanator whose mother tongue is English ,speaks in such a eloquent tone that you will be amazed, Ankit RC sharma , our hariyanvi hunk, who owns a CBZ hunk blessed with gift of Jab ,loves to watch “Dare to date” on channel V and finally me the baboon who can’t understand English and neither the bhasad that was waiting for us in next two months.
To start off things we went to Faridabad , it was the first time I have ever been there. We were greeted by extremely jolly and supercharged family of Bhupinder Singh who gave shelter to three monkeys and fed them for two days. On the first day all of us took the Santro of Bhupinders Realtive( yes we were rich for a day), took it to Gurgaon and parked it there. Our heart sank when we gave Rs 50 as the parking charges but everything were normal when two super hot chicks just passed by us. Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
It was the usual scenario. Nothing had changed. From the time I left HCL again to the time I entered the tall concrete building in Gurgaon. Fake smiles, sharply dressed people with hollow hearts, endless chase for CTC , plethora of money and paucity of a pure smile. I thought what the fuck, it all starts again but I was happy that the jamboree will only last for two months and we were paid peanuts.
We went there Ankit was deployed into selling thanda a.ka coldrinks( in randev’s term toilet cleaners) and Bhupinder andI were thrown into Tropicana juice division which makes chemically prepared so called fruit juices, call it as nectar and sell it at good price to make the children of India physically week. Screw You . I remember Bhupinder calling coldrinks as sparklers in front of Pepsico servants oops I meant employees to gain brownie points and I was unable to control my laughter. I called it jhaag wala cold drink. Bhupinder and I were told to wait in a meeting room which I hate from my old experience and can’t put here. But wait something was different. There were three pretty girls in the meeting room. My smile broadened. When I saw tray of Chips lying behind three girls my smile crossed all barriers, I wanted to just tear apart all those beautiful packets and show my out of the world dining etiquettes by eating chips and wiping fingers from my trouser but I suddenly stopped. My weasel sense told me the next steps. Turbantor will speak in his immaculate English which I can never understand and I will speak in raw hindi which I always loved. The moment we will start talking with pretty girls some fool will enter the meeting room and the same thing happened. Some guy came up. A hard core veteran who faced the corporate sins for a long time came and saw us as cherished candies whom he can feast on by doing the assault. But in my mind we were ready that if you pays us peanuts you will get monkeys. The guy was brilliant, has superb analytical skills. I am sure if he sees the blog he can count the number of times I pressed the keys on my computer. He gave us a lot of gyaan about FMCG domain which I really admire, but I also know that the same knowledge is acquired by my younger brother who helped his father to operate the small grocery store we had in Hiamchal. Pretty Funny.
Next story is we were told to do some insane survey, make some fancy excel files and bring out a conclusion which was supposed to change the history of Tropicana division. It was not a joke that the team of weasels has hired more weasels.
We choose our base destination as a place in delhi. A crooked property dealer gave us a house to live which was a disputed property. Ankit and I were alone, Bhupinder was not in the house and suddenly 20 people gathered on our doors shouting we will kill you leave the house. Shell Shocked , Ankit called bhupinder, I packed the bags, Bhupinder came up, not to forget his fucked up phone was not reachable for five minutes and when he came faster than speed of light we left the home, alone on streets with no where to go cussing the stupid property dealer. Middle finger Salute to you buddy .|.
This was the fault I guess.
But when god close one door for us we knocked door of one of very pretty acquaintance of Turbanator and stayed for one night in the open gallery of house. With naughty mosquitoes feasting our fresh blood Ankit gone nuts but we hanged on. We thank the pretty acquaintance of bhupinder for giving us shelter, bearing our bull shit and giving us breakfast!! ?
In couple of days we found out a jugadu home for ourselves. All three of us had a great time. We called up a pretty chick of college we called motivation but she never spoke with us. AHhhhhhhhhhh. Ankit was fucked up as hell when he went to go to market by wearing my goggles and travelling in Delhi like dogs. We fought like dogs when I lost my composure because of heat wave hitting our heads and Bhupinder walking naked to my bed while I was sleeping and said in his creepy voice “hello mahajan” and suddenly I woke up to see a naked men standing in front of me. I shocked and Ankit started laughing. It was also followed by my spectacular dance moves in legendry shorts .
Ankit chasing a small girl called “Meet” which Pandit hooked up in the most road side romio fashions. I was always accused of watching her cleavage when we met her in the City centre, Janakpuri but the truth was I never sated there. I was looking at the grip her fingers grabbed the Non Veg Momo’s which I ordered and as act of Chivallry Ankit and Bhupinder offerd to her.
Now coming to three pretty girls we discussed earlier and coming to what we went to delhi for we created a stupid training report which told us to do some kind of analysis which doesn’t makes any sense to any sensible person. Giving silly facts and hypothesis we presented it to the SO CALLED REPOTING MANAGER, the guy who can count stars in the sky by giving some logic which only Aryabhatt can understand and finished the circus. We called one of the girls as Khurana Sahab, who become a good friend of ours and our turbanator will always talk with her in the angrezee giving the polished appearance. We named the manager fair hey as he will always use it in his conversation.
We came back, just typed all the chillam chilli we did in two months, covered it up with some fact in graphs and pivot tables which makes as much sense as this blog and that’s it. It’s been around two internship has finished and when you travel down the memory lane suddenly my smile broadens. This time there are no three pretty girls, no chips ,no English speaking turbanator and our ricky behel Ankit.
There are a lot of things I have missed here. Lot of things. But there are memories, there are baboons , oh I missed a super hot girl who just lives opposite to our house.
Stay Young Stay Raw!!