Art and Science of Public Farting. Become a Fart Warrior: -
Fart is associated with mankind even before the wheel was invented. No one knows how many farts were emitted before the invention or after the invention and made their way into troposphere, Stratosphere and so on. I hope some lucky farts even made their way into Exosphere and even went to meet some aliens.
A research has proved that every second thirty million people are farting across the globe. Gee, I am just kidding,though it could be true. Lot of things have been said about other topics like Art of War( a famous book), Is marketing Art of Science (Philip Kotler) etc. but nothing has been written about understanding human psychology when they fart.
Believe me nothing gives man/women more pleasure than releasing a fart which they are holding and refusing to let go as they are ashamed as they are surrounded by other people. Fart warriors are those who can fart in group of people and can stay calm and say ‘Why are you looking at me? What happened. Why are you making such a bad face” and then walk out as innocent bunny as nothing happened.
Farting is a science as it’s a natural phenomenon but staying normal when you doing it is art. I have done it couple of time. So I will share few tips here that will help you to master this technique.
- Whenever you know you are about to fart and are standing in public do deep breathing and then slowly let the air go. This will not be as glamorous as 4000Watt Thunderous ‘no-holds-barred’ fart but you will not get the attention.
- Once it’s released stay calm as a cat. Aplomb is the key. Nothing happened. Right. No one will smell your ass. Though in my school there were some boys who used to smell the ass. Once they did it with me, I released the fart and then went bonkers ;).
- Sometimes you will be under suspicion radar as I was from my Friends Sniper . The best bet over here is to stay confident and say “Bhencho!! I haven’t done it. If you have any suspicion then follow step 2.
- “With great power come great responsibilities” I never knew spider man farted. I thought it was Spider Fart. Anyways if you think yourself as batman then there will be a Joker to compliment you as well. I remember in my past company my evil manager gulped down a huge piece of chicken down his throat. After 3 or 4 hours he released the gas and my friends and me just vanished from the place. So in this scenario vaporizes is the best game plan. Flee Away!!
- Few people who have championed this have known to have achieved Vendetta Fart. You can fart at the seat of co-worker which you don’t like and then get disappeared at a speed faster than light. That poor fellow will never know what hit him. Only few people have taken themselves to this level including me ;).
To become fart warrior you have to be a master of deception. But wait the joy of hitting a ‘no hold barred’ 400W PMPO fart is like no others. So even if you do it and you get caught then no need to worry.
Take it in your stride and reproduce the effect. To get a MBA Degree in Fart Management pay me USD 50,000 and stay by bye to all your worries.
So are you a fart warrior. Share your ideas in comment section.